The Hardest Words
by Harry Fado
Summary: Time Stamp to Can't Start A Fire: The hardest words to say are hello for the first time and goodbye for the last.


**Title**: The Hardest Words**  
Author**: Fatebegins (http:/ fatebegins .livejournal .com/)**  
Rating**: PG-13 / T**  
Pairing**: Puck/Kurt (Purt/Puckurt). **  
Summary**: The hardest words to say are hello for the first time and goodbye for the last.**  
Disclaimer**: No Glee don't belong to me or to fatebegins, this history is not mine! But I have permission to post it here! (The original post: http:/ fatebegins .livejournal .com/10139 .html)  
**Warning:** AU, MPREG.

Review? Please? *puppy eyes*

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

"Poor little dude has no idea what he's doing." Finn sounded like he was trying to hold in his hysterical laughter but in the end failed, letting out a short, loud bark that had several parents turning in their seats to glare at Finn disapprovingly.

Puck looked at the brightly lit stage. Gabriel was easy to spot. He had chosen to remove himself from the rest of the dancers and was now furiously turning himself in circles. Puck tried to hide a grin, that was obviously not part of the program if Ms. Sevigne's, the ballet instructor, horrified face was anything to go by.

Puck nudged Kurt, who was holding his camcorder vigilantly, both eyes trained to the stage. "Gabe is striking out up there, he looks spastic."

"What he looks is _energetic _and it's nice to see that he maintained his originality despite being peer pressured to conform to the dance he learned." Kurt retorted. "And nice thing to say on camera Daddy, are you taking your parenting tips from Joe Jackson?"

"So how do you explain Audrey? Guess she's just another lemming, huh?"

Puck was firmly put in his place with a scathing look. He wondered why he ever thought Kurt would share a laugh with him over this; he should've just stuck to Finn. His eyes moved back to the stage. Gabe was now playing air guitar, his little face scrunching up as he stuck his tongue out in his best Gene Simmon's impression. It looked like Audrey, who was carefully lifting her hands in the trained choreography finally noticed what her twin was doing. Her little eyes widened and the look that crossed her face could only be described as horrified. She looked so much like Kurt in that moment that Puck had to smile.

The twins were four and a half now, each their own little person complete with personalities, likes and dislikes. Gabriel was their easy child, you couldn't tell at this exact moment but he always went to bed when told, never talked back and ate all his vegetables. Audrey was…well she wasn't like Gabriel. She constantly asked 'why', threw her broccoli at their heads and had just learned to beg for 'five more minutes'. Life with two four year olds, was nothing short of complete chaos and Puck loved every minute of it. He was hoping that soon, they would have more. He knew Kurt was open to the idea. The other man was constantly talking about Mike and Zac's new baby longingly.

"Holy shit!" Finn exclaimed. "That ballet teacher is dragging Gabe off the stage!"

Puck looked up to see that indeed, the slim woman was locked in a battle of wills as she struggled to drag Gabriel into the wings. The little boy was not having it. Gabriel pulled away and ran across the stage to the opposite end, breaking through the chain of the children. A little girl who Puck remembered as Sofie, only because her Dad, Chad, had berated it into his skull, burst into tears. The line completely dismantled after that.

Audrey stamped her foot. She looked ready to throw a fit.

Puck looked at Kurt, he had finally put down the camcorder and handed the expensive piece of equipment to Burt.

Kurt looked at Puck, hands on his hips and lips pursed. "Well, _your _kids are behaving like hoodlums! Aren't you going to do something?"

"I tried to warn you before." Puck laughed but settled into his chair. "Now you have to deal with the consequences."

"PAPA!"

Puck winced, yup, that was Audrey's signature ear splitting screech.

"Gabriel Jaysin Puckerman, you stop that this instant!" Kurt stood up awkwardly, climbing over people with muffled apologies. The rest of the parents just stared, some shaking their heads and others looking mildly amused.

"Kids," Finn turned to the older woman next to him. "they're such a joy aren't they?"

"That hooligan needs a switch!" She clutched her purse tighter as if she was afraid Finn might rob her.

"A switch?" Finn was confused.

"Oooh kay." Puck cut in, there would be no 'switching' of his kids, thank you very much. Old bitch.

Kurt was nearing the stage and Audrey immediately jumped off it into his arms. Kurt caught her but stumbled back as he absorbed her weight. For some reason, even though many people would think it was normal for children to trust their parents so implicitly, it filled Puck with warmth to see that Audrey leaped off a platform unflinchingly, because she had faith her Papa would catch her.

Gabriel had stopped trying to pop and lock when he saw his Papa. He gave his most harmless smile, his blue eyes angelic and his cinnamon hair curling around his face innocently. Even Puck had a hard time believing that the boy meekly going down the stairs was the same one who had ruined the ballet recital.

"That boy takes after you ." Burt grunted, shaking his head. Puck noticed he was no longer telling anyone who would listen that Gabriel was his grandson.

"Blame Kurt, I wanted to put Gabe in just soccer but Kurt wants the twins to do everything together."

"Well, is the show over?" Finn asked. "Mike is going to be so pissed he missed this."

"I'm thinking it's over." Puck answered dryly. Ms. Sevigne was making apologies as Kurt made the walk of shame down the aisle; his hand in Gabe's who was skipping beside him and Audrey in his arms, a mass of pink taffeta, glaring down at her brother murderously.

Finn looked at him, then shrugged. He got to his feet. "BRAVO!' he shouted out, clapping enthusiastically. "Now that's what I call a show!"

It was silent for a moment and then a few other parents joined in the with lackluster applause, mostly out of duty for their children still huddle on the stage looking like frightened tutu wearing sheep.

Gabe giggled as he passed them, trying to get to Finn before Kurt firmly tugged him toward the door.

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

Thirty minutes later they were all seated in _Rosalie's_ , both of the kids wearing chocolate all over their faces. Puck laughed inwardly, this is what happened when Kurt tried to be tough on them. He would lecture, the kids would give patented doe eyes and Kurt would feel so bad he would get them ice cream or whatever sticky treat he knew they would enjoy.

"I think you really taught Gabe a valuable lesson today."Puck said sarcastically.

"I'm not the enforcer." Kurt shrugged, opening his bag to pull out wet wipes. "I've decided I want you to be."

"You want me to be the bad guy?" Puck smirked, his hand going up Kurt's thigh under the table. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Kurt blushed, he knew Puck was referring to their many nights of role play. Kurt had a thing for Puck taking charge and being rough, so they often played innocent school boy and nasty teacher. All in all, it worked very well.

"Papa your face is red." Gabe said. Kurt jumped.

"Papa is just…" Kurt trailed off not sure of what to say.

"Excited?" Finn supplied, his eyes alight with amusement. Burt looked towards them suspiciously.

"Thank you, Finn."

"Papa, I need to go potty." Audrey tugged on Kurt's shirt insistently.

"I'll take you sweetie." Kurt smoothed a hand down her dark hair before leading her out of the booth. "Talk to Gabe while I'm gone." He whispered to Puck.

"Sure." Puck agreed.

"Daddy!" Gabe called. "Look, I made a milkshake." He proudly presented his melted chocolate ice cream. "You wan' some?" He smiled, his cheeks smeared with chocolate.

"No buddy, that's okay." Puck cleared his throat trying to find his best stern father voice. "We need to talk about what you did today."

Finn snorted and rolled his eyes. Gabe put down his cup, gulping as he looked at Puck.

"You ruined something that took Ms. Sevigne a long time to put worked very hard for you guys."

"I'm sorry." Gabriel's lower lip quivered. "I didna mean to."

"Well…." Puck considered his child. Who was he kidding, Kurt was totally the enforcer. "Not cool, buddy. Okay?"

"Okay." The little boy nodded solemnly.

Puck went back to his burgers and fries, relieved to have gotten the talk out of the way.

"That's it? _Not cool_? " Burt scoffed amused. "Those kids have the two of you tied in knots."

"Let me try!" Finn suggested and before Puck could protest Finn had lifted Gabe up unto his lap. "Little man, that pop and lock you did into the last final minutes," Gabe stared up at him warily. "You were all off bro, you should have concentrated on your freestyle! You got too technical and it really took away form the emotion of the dance-"

"I'm guessing the talk was a failure." Kurt said. He had gotten back from the restroom. "Puck, could you wipe the kids off so we can go?" He seated Audrey on Puck's lap. " I'm not feeling very well."

"You okay?" Puck was immediately concerned noting the paleness of Kurt's skin.

"Papa is sick!" Audrey sang, she sounded delighted.

"Just a stomach ache." Kurt replied, but he swayed a bit on his feet. Puck put Audrey down immediately and stood up, his hands going around Kurt's waist.

"Baby, you're shaking." He could feel the tremors racking Kurt's slender frame.

"Don't scare the kids." Kurt whispered. "Hurts real bad."

Puck's blood ran cold, his mind jumping to thoughts of emergency appendectomies and vague liver diseases. "Take the kids home." He told a bewildered Burt and Finn. "Kurt and I need to make a stop."

"I wanna go with you, Papa!" Audrey climbed off the chair. "Papa?"

"Audrey!" Puck's voice was sharp and the little girls eyes widened. "Go with Poppy now! No arguing."

Audrey looked at him for a few moments, she looked so small in her pink hoodie and tutu, Puck felt like a grade A asshole for yelling at her.

"Why?" Fat tears began to slide down her face.

"Sweetie-" Kurt reached for her but broke off on a gasp of pain, clutching his abdomen.

"We're leaving." Puck supported Kurt as he hurried them toward the exit. He could hear Gabriel's cries joining with Audrey's.

He prayed that Kurt was alright.

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

"Some times these things happen." Archibald spoke gently, but his words still fell like blows. "It's nobody's fault but ectopic pregnancies always do end this way. It's an abnormal pregnancy that occurs outside the womb. The baby cannot survive."

They hadn't even known that Kurt was pregnant. Puck was stunned. They hadn't even known.

"How far along?" Kurt's voice was hoarse.

"Kurt, no-"

"How far along?" His voice was practically hysterical.

Archibald looked doubtful but responded. "About 12 weeks."

"Boy or girl?"

"Don't torture yourself like this-"

"You're my doctor!" Kurt screamed, hands fisting in the pillows. "Now, I asked you a question."

"Girl." Archibald stated ,defeated.

"Oh God." Kurt choked out. He curled in on himself, turning onto his side and drawing his legs up to his chest. His hand went down to his stomach, it was sore and tender inside of him. His empty stomach.

"I'll leave you two alone." Archibald said getting up slowly. The strain was evident on his face, he grieved for Kurt and Puck as well. Over the past four years, they had all grown close, Nate being the twins pediatrician. "I'm sorry, Noah." Archibald clasped his shoulder briefly and then was gone.

Puck got to his feet. He had to be strong for Kurt right now, he could mourn later.

"Baby," He placed a tentative hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"Please just don't…_don't_ touch me." His voice was muffled and Puck could hear his sobs.

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

It had been two days. Two days of silences and tears. Two of the hardest days of Puck's life. He felt like he was living with a corpse. His vibrant and sarcastic Kurt was gone, replaced with a hollow being who haunted the house with vacant eyes.

Audrey and Gabriel had been staying at Mike's house for the duration of those two days but enough was enough and Puck knew it was time to take them home. It wasn't fair to leave Zac, who had a newborn at home himself, with two energetic four year olds. It was time for them to be a family again but before that could happen Puck needed to have a discussion with his children.

"Papa mad at us?" Gabriel asked worriedly.

"No, buddy. of course not." Puck hadn't even thought the kids would take the sleepovers for anything other than what it was.

"Then why did he give us away?" His little boy was too insightful for his own good.

"You see Ciara?" Puck asked and the twins nodded.

"She's Uncle Mike's baby." Audrey said.

"She's a crybaby." Her brother added.

"Well, Papa had a baby just like that in his tummy." Puck felt liquid heat pressing behind his lids and blinked against the pain.

"When's it gonna come out?" Gabriel asked.

"She's…" Puck took a deep breath. "She's not going to come out, buddy."

"She'll live in Papa's tummy forever?" Audrey sounded astounded. "But Ciara is out here!" She pointed to the kitchen where Zac was making funny faces while he fed the baby.

"This baby… she went away …she went to heaven, guys and that made Papa and me very sad." Puck drew his babies closer, cuddling Gabe, one tear sliding into his son's hair unnoticed.

"Where's heaven, Daddy? Like where Uncle Ryan is?"

"No, Uncle Ryan lives in California." Puck corrected. "That's just far away from New York."

"Is heaven in 'fornia?" Gabriel wanted to know.

Puck shook his head. He hadn't known it would be this hard.

"Let's go to heaven, daddy ." Audrey announced. "Then Papa won't be sad."

"Heaven is in the sky." Puck lifted her unto his other knee, holding them both close. He closed his eyes, breathing in the faint scent of talcum powder and flowers. The scent of children and innocence. "We can't go baby."

"Oh." Audrey seemed to be out of questions. She rested her head against Puck's chest next to Gabriel's and the ends of her dark strands flew across his jaw.

Puck hadn't known it could hurt so much.

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

"Remember, you have to be very quiet and touch Papa gently." Puck told the twins sternly out side of the bedroom door. Audrey and Gabriel nodded.

"He has an owie in his tummy." Gabriel said solemnly to Audrey who shook her head in agreement.

"Good." Puck ruffled Gabriel's hair and then took each of their hands in his before pushing open the door.

"PAPA!" Audrey immediately tried to pounce on Kurt but was pulled back by Puck's restraining hand.

"Audrey!" Puck admonished.

"It's okay, Noah." Kurt sat up against the pillows. "Hi babies, Papa missed you both so much."

Puck released them and they both ran up to the side of the bed, halting uncertainly when they reached their Papa.

Gabriel struggled to climb unto the bed for a few minutes before Puck gave him the final push to get on. He lifted Audrey up after.

"Look at my dress Papa." Audrey said excitedly. "Uncle Zac got it for me! Look, it's pink and purple!"

"Very beautiful, sweetheart." Kurt gave her a thin smile, his fingers brushing her dark curls away from her face, smoothing them down her back.

"An' Ciara has one too! So we can match, even if she's a baby!" Puck didn't miss the way Kurt flinched at the word baby.

"T-that's nice."

Audrey nodded amicably, laying her head on Kurt's chest and Gabriel laid his head on Kurt's lap. Puck watched his hair against Kurt's stomach and wished he could find the right words to say. He wanted to tell Kurt that he loved him, would always love him and that there would be other babies. Instead he said nothing

"Papa?" Gabriel patted Kurt's belly and both men froze.

"Yes, baby?"

"I'm sorry your baby went away." Gabriel said, his little voice quivering.

Kurt looked up at Puck, startled. Puck was at a loss for words as well. Kurt's blue eyes filled with tears as he drew Gabriel closer to his side, stroking his soft hair. "I'm sorry too." He managed.

"But you have me an' Audrey, okay?" Gabriel patted his stomach once again before settling down for a nap.

They sat in silence, the only sound in the room was the ticking of the grandfather clock from the hallway. Audrey and Gabriel had fallen asleep, their little warm bodies pressed against Kurt.

"I love you." Puck said simply.

"I know." Kurt smiled back faintly, one hand reaching to skate across Puck's unshaven jaw. "I'm sorry I went away for awhile."

"All that matters is that you came back."

*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*

Photography: http:/ pics. livejournal .com /fatebegins/pic/00006gt2/


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